Heleow everyone! A couple of weeks ago I did a post about 5 reasons I had to be a beauty blogger. So I thought of also sharing why I didn’t it for the first three years despite wanting to do it badly. Of course there is one main reason and the rest are all related to it but these 5 are the major factors why I had to build courage and start believing in myself to start a beauty blog.
1. I was scared was putting myself out there to the world to judge and criticize.
I, like any other normal human being, hate being criticized. No matter how constructive the criticism and how gentle the words, I felt hurt. So when I started reading blogs (around 2008) and watching YouTube videos I wanted to do it but was scared when I saw the amount of “cyberbullying” and hatred in the internet world. I didn’t believe I could take it. So right from 2009 when I really had the desire to start a blog, I didn’t do it until the end of 2010. And this blog also remained private until I closed it. I was just too scared.
2. I am not a beauty guru or a model or someone very attractive.
I have always tried to carry myself with grace. I say “tried to” because there were days when I thought – I will look as average and fat as I always do, why bother?”
I was pessimistic, was a pro at yo-yo dieting and rarely took care of myself in terms of health. I applied the best skin care I could afford and groomed myself as much as an average person and yet all I saw was a fast girl looking back at me in the mirror. These things happened every few days (which I later realized was because of periodic harmonal imbalances) so for most days I was happy, chirpy and confident.
It was only after reading more books on self-empowerment and doing some affirmations and accepting myself (plus looking around me) that I realized I was ok. That it was alright to be average. I had other talents and had a lot of personality. But while my phases of under-confidence lasted, I was depressed. I haven’t felt like that in almost a year and funny enough I am still the same weight.
I do want to make the changes but I am not waiting for them to happen to feel good.
3. I doubted my opinions.
When you are a beauty blogger, you use different products and then you review them, eventually comparing them with other things you have seen.
I feared being laughed at for my opinions. So much that I didn’t do a review on my first blog (which I started and closed in 2010). I felt scared to state my experience – I thought that if I liked something and someone else didn’t, I was stupid to like it and may not have seen the effects of the product properly and form a judgement. What a fool I was!
But I do not even mind telling the insecurities of my past. I have moved past them and I know that many others are going through the same thing. I hope they are able to see that it is just a phase. We mature! I know I have.
4. I am simple (and overweight).
This may even sound ridiculous to anyone who sees my makeup collection and knows how much I shop. But the thing is that I do not apply makeup everyday, I do not make fancy hairstyles. I have classic style – dark colors especially black can be found at least in one thing in my outfit. I do experiment but within a range.
I have used a straightener for a total of 25 times in my entire life. A blow dryer 50 times – 20 of those during haircuts at a salon! I have colored my hair only twice. I do my own facials and other beauty treatments and never in a parlour.
And of course I am overweight. And NO I am not the girl who is a Size 4 and cribs about it. I have an apply body shape and am a Size 14 (vary from 10 to 16 most times). Yup. FAT!
But again I thought there are plenty of people in this world who are not happy with how they look whether they are a Size 0 or Size 24. It is ok to be overweight and still wear good clothes and take care of myself. I learnt it very ate in life (late twenties) but now I am ok with how I look. I do want to slim down and try but I have also accepted my current situation.
5. I am lazy.
I am lazy or at least people said that to me. And I believed them. I accepted it as my habit, as my fate. But I (because of my husband’s comments) realized that I am not lazy. I am the most productive person I know, the only thing is that I need goals and deadlines. Of something needs to be done, it will never get done. But if something needs to be done by 2pm today. I will finish it at 1.59pm!
I thought since I will be my own boss, I will become lazy and not get the stuff done on time. I will do it one day and then not do it. But now I know my strengths and keep setting goals for myself to achieve. And I think I have quite productive, I do astound myself at times with my productivity!
I hope you enjoyed reading a little (or a lot) about me)!